In the Trenches

I need to start by saying that I love being a mom.  I truly think it was God's calling for my life.  At the same time, there are days that I want to quit. Ages that I think they should be locked up until the hormones subside. Hours that I just cry.

I read an excellent piece by Jen Hatmaker yesterday about parenting teenagers. Apparently, I'm doing it all wrong.   Teenagers are not my jam. I CAN'T EVEN. They are difficult. Sure, they're funny and adult-like, but really they are just giant children, throwing a 4 year temper tantrum.  I want to encourage those of you who, like me, are in the trenches, struggling with your teens. YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE

My oldest is 22 and he's finally human again.  I can speak to him without wanting to strangle him.  He went off the rails in a big way when he was about 17 and, there for a while, I didn't think he was going to find his way back.  I felt helpless.  I felt like a failure.  Seeing the pity & judgment in people's eyes seared my soul. Seeing him struggle was heartbreaking.  At that point, all I had left was to pray.  Pray hard.  Pray without ceasing.  Call in prayer warrior reinforcements. My Bible study group now just asks which kid we're praying for this week.  I bought books about "problem children" and how to pray for your teenagers.  I asked God what I did wrong.  I got unwelcome opinions from people who had never dealt with this before. "You shouldn't have... You should have... " That left me questioning.  What if they're right? Leaving my baby in jail was the hardest thing I'd had to do.  The first week or so he was so mad at us for not bailing him out.  He just yelled when we got to see him.  Then he begged.  Finally, he realized that we weren't going to get him & it dawned on him that he was going to have to get it together. He truly is a different person now, and I couldn't be prouder. TOUGH LOVE SUCKS. It's embarrassing.  It's humbling.  It's right where God wants us. In the Refiner's fire.

As the oldest is pulling his life together, the next one is hell bent on destroying his.  Where did we go wrong? What could we have done differently?  Were we too focused on his brother?  Did the lessons of the oldest not get through to this one?  These boys are too smart to be this dumb. What did we do, or didn't do, as parents, that's caused our boys to act out & get mixed up in a culture of drugs and debauchery.  For the past 6 years, every time my phone rings and I don't recognize the number, my heart skips a beat. Is it the police?  Is someone in jail?  Please, God, don't let them be hurt.  Living like that is DRAINING.  Physically. Emotionally.  Spiritually.

Don't get me wrong. It hasn't all been trial and tribulation.  We've had good times.  Fun times together as a family.  Inside jokes & family game nights.  I love my children with all my heart. I do feel a little battle scarred & bloody, though.  The war hasn't yet been won. We have 3 more behind them, and we have to try our best, try something new, try to ensure that they do not follow the winding, difficult, forged-in-a-fiery-hell path of their brothers.

Nobody is a perfect parent.  Nobody. The dad who works 3 jobs so the kids can be involved in every activity?  Nope.  The mom who makes every meal from scratch & whose house is immaculate?  Nope. The ones who are always busy doing everything so they never get to bed before midnight?  Nope. LOVE YOUR CHILDREN FIERCELY. That's the best we've got.  Love them.  PRAY for them.  Send them into the world. Be their soft place to land when they come back.  As I face sending the 22 year old out into the world again, I have faith that this time, he'll do fine.  The 17 year old?  Well, I'm praying hard for him right now.